Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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