Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
