So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm like, not good at living.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize