gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
