I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
