I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm too high and old for this...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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