My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
