the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You did what with his pubic hair?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
