Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
