i would punch a child for taco bell
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My dick has a subreddit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
