First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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