I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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