Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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