I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
