Christians are straight up FREAKS
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize