So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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