youre lurking in front of me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
