I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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