I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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