Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
