FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize