I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
