My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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