I'm jealous of your bromance
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
