he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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