Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
