Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
