Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
