Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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