somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
