Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I seem to have left my pride at pride
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
