I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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