I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
