I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
