I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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