I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize