We won't sleep together?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
