Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
