I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
