Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
