best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
