using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We are two peas in an std pod
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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