im drinking this country out of the recession.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Drunk is not a location!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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