I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
