So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
