her facebook's as public as her vagina
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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