he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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