remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I lost the right to judge tonight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
