5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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