ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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