is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
