I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
