Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize