I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
