i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
