one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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