I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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