dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
