I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
