Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
