Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
