please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
