Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
