Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
