there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
