jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
