i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
