remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
