careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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