I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
