that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
