Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
