i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
