the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
