I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think your dad took our porno
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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