hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
