What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you win again, gameday.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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