That's intense
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
