Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
