My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize