Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
