and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she told me i tasted like america
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
