were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
