so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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