is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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